Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
