I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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