I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
