Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There r osticjed everywhere
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
