my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
