You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
