We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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