We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
