Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
