I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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