So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
