I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
