So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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