it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
