Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
