So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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