Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
