I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize