I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Everclear isn't food dammit
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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