I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Someone signed my nipple.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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