Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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