You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
