highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
