Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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