i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
