So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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