I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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