I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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