Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
