I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
