I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
