I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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