the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
