She announced her abortion via fbk
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
