she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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