Christians are straight up FREAKS
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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