It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
