So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
