I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
