tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So much Jack, so little girl.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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