i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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