I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
