If i come over, it means nothing
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Fuck appropriateness.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
