Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
