In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
