I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
