my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
