Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
