oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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