I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
