And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
