That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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