I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
whose parrot is this?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
