we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
