Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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