i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
