No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
