I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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