Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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