just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
