Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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