It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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