Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
