I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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