My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
