I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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