i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
