Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
