You really coming over, don't trick.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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