i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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