Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
